Friday, March 20, 2009

F train was designed by Pirates*

There are only three F trains running through the tunnels connecting 179th Street/Jamaica, Queens and Coney Island, Brooklyn between the hours of 11am-1pm. This is how it is possible, during "off-peak" hours, to wait 10-25 minutes for a train that will eventually arrive on a crowded platform and have only two vacant seats.
Of the three trains running at that time, one is conducted by a former graffiti artist, who prefers coasting at a leisurely pace along the tracks, so as to peruse old and new works along the underground walls.
The other two trains have no human conductors. They are battery operated, with a pre-recorded voice (now you understand who operates those trains that run over people).
These three trains are usually filled with the societal leftovers of New York City: the slightly mentally ill, the jobless/soulless, would-be housewives (minus husbands to give them purpose), pedophiles, abandoned elderly, and degenerate students.
It is a train ride tainted with gray sludge and greasy hair, a hangover of smells.

*Many people think the F train is their favorite train. They cite that it goes through all the boroughs (Bronx/Staten Island are negligible for MTA), and makes many convenient stops along the way. These are people who know nothing.
In fact, the F train is a grossly inconvenient train, that makes traveling from two seemingly close spots interminably distant and difficult. This is because a long time ago, pirates who controlled that No-Man's-Land between Queens and Brooklyn, refused to allow the MTA to build tracks that would have made travel from, say, Jackson Heights to Park Slope, a mere 30-minute commute. They forced the MTA instead to build a winding snake track all through Manhattan's most despicable neighborhoods. To this day, pirates still control the vast majority of territory in New York City, and continue to place ridiculous embargoes on the MTA, which is one of the key causes of the fare hike and the World-wide Recession.

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